gardening creates community

the growing season may be short here but it always makes me smile the weekend when i go to buy all the plants. this year i decided to go big or go home. so justino and i built elevated beds because the place we rent is not quite conducive to gardening.

a few weekends ago, we built the beds in the drizzling rain and planted strawberries, chives, basil, oregano, rosemary, jalapenos, habaneros, small green onions, cilantro, and flowers (impatients, columbines, pansies) for some color.

there are a lot of small children (under five) that live in the area so i knew it might be a struggle to keep all the plants in tact. so far, in three weeks, we have had only one plant stepped on and a few flowers picked. i was not really worried about it. what i didn't expect was such a fascination by the kids in the plants.

every morning i hear little feet running over to the plants to see if a strawberry has grown or if any peppers are on the plants. i decided two weeks ago, when i stopped a two year old from touching the habanero plant that it might be a good idea for them to help out so they felt that the garden was theirs too. little did i know that it would turn into such a community of young gardeners.

since their new found ownership, they carefully look and touch

the plants withoutt breaking off any stems, they check them diligently for worms or lack of water. about five minutes ago a two year old was scooping out more soil from a bag and placing it gently around the columbines saying har, har, har... which i think translates to here, here, here. he left his pet dinosaur on the stairs. he didn't seem to want to play with him after he saw the large green watering can.

a five year old held the large watering can and watered all the onions and peppers w hile asking, what is this plant, while his ten year old sister supervised the process and added some dirt where it was needed.


after a while, a few more toddlers came to join us.

i didn't stop to think until today about the impact this small garden might have on these kids. i always grew up around gardening because it is something my mom loves to do. i realize that apartments are not the most promising place for a garden, but it seems to have brightened up the place and been a great incentive for all of us to get outside a little more. i can't wait to see their faces when there is actually a pepper and strawberry growing on the green stems.

what i love about these kids the most is their patience to let the plants grow and their dedication to coming over every morning just to check. since they feel like they have some stock in the garden, they take care of it. they watch with wonder and point out new leaves, or tr oubled plants, or plants that need more soil. they are observant, patient, and in awe. they make me smile and bring out the two, four, and ten year old selves that
reside somewhere inside. they make me want to play outside with colored chalk, and run through sprinklers.

it is going to be a great summer.

trying new things

it is beautiful here. the weather has been fantastic and the kids and i have spent a lot of time outside reading or doing science experiments. i realize that i ask my students to do new things all the time. sometimes that can be scary.

so i have made a concerted effort to try new things myself. sometimes in my adult life i get too comfortable with what i have always done before. there is a thrill in doing something new and different.

for a few years a few colleagues and friends have been going mountain biking. justino and i recently bought a mountain bike (mostly for him but i must admit that i wanted to get one i could ride too.) so last night we headed out to some trails nearby and i experienced my first trip mountain biking.

let me take you through my thought process...

okay, this is not too bad. a little different than riding on the road or in spin class but pretty cool.

uh okay, we are going up a rocky hill. i can do this. not a huge problem. it will take a little getting used to.

oh crap, i am supposed to go down that hill? what about those tree limbs and big rocks?

aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uh oh uh ahhhh.

breathing rest stop.

That is pretty much the cycle of yesterdays ride.

After I got through the main shock of it all. My friends began giving me some tips. Like keep your feet at nine and three. Push your weight towards the back of your seat. I wouldn't say that I became great at it. Far from great. But, I had a great time and didn't fall off the bike.

I really had a great time and surprised myself by actually going down what looked pretty scary. I felt great at the end because I actually did it. I actually went mountain biking!

Today when I woke up, I was worried that I would be very sore. Actually, I feel pretty great! I even rode to my professional development meeting today.

I'll keep you posted on any new experiences!

summer loving

" that which is oldest is most young and most new. there is nothing so ancient and so dead as human novelty. the 'latest' is always stillborn. it never even manages to arrive. what is really new is what was there all the time. i say, not what has repeated itself all the time; the really 'new' is that which, at every moment, springs freshly into new existence. then newness never repeats itself. yet it is so old it goes back to the earliest beginning. it is the very beginning itself, which speaks to us." - thomas merton, New Seeds of Contemplation

it is the very beginning itself, which speaks to us.

i like that.
i like it a lot.

beginnings signify something unknown to me. and sometimes unknowns are scary. and yet the fact that the unknown is what speaks to me over and over again is somehow reassuring. don't ask me how, i am not sure.

i am somehow comforted by the fact that what is new is really just something old. it makes me feel like i can tackle new challenges and not be alone. it makes me feel a part of the family of things.

today is a beautiful day with the promise of more beautiful days to come. i sat in the patch of sun my window let in today for a good thirty minutes before the sun made it's progress and no longer shined directly in my house. it felt so nice to feel it warm my back. i just sat there in the silence and let it warm me.

i am ready to go to the pool. i am ready for warm days, barbecues, and the sounds of summer. perhaps due to my beginning (being born in the summer), i have always felt something special about this particular season...and not just because i don't work the whole summer. i like the food, sounds, music, activities, and coatlessness (cool made-up word) of summer. it is what i come back to.

my whole self screams today... i am ready.

war on stress

do you ever have those moments where you feel so lost in the craziness that you don't know how to put it into words, to vocalize it. it makes it more real. and although i know writing would help, sometimes i just have to let things be. i have to let them sink in.
breath in.
breath out.
get up in the morning.
get the job done.

i think i can do this because i know that at some moment i will break through just getting by and be able to vocalize it.

life has been a little stressful and it has taken all my energy not to let that stress overtake me. i am proud to say that at this moment, stress may have won a few battles but i am winning the war.

i have once again received a Reduction in Force letter which is a really politically correct way of saying... guess what...we don't have money, so you may not have a job starting in June. now, we are only giving you this letter to cover our backs cause we might have a little more money than we thought but we aren't sure. so in june we are going to deposit your last pay check and then we will see. your benefits will end too. but we will see. this has happened every year i have taught but this year it seems a little bit harder due to the fact that nine percent of the U.S. is unemployed.

it is kind of a daily battle to be grateful for the wonderful things i have, to save up enough money for at least three months rent, to live daily with the knowledge that cut backs are most definitely needed. in reality, i am doing just fine. i am probably faring better than most people. i have support, i have people who believe in me, and i have a job until june. i am a creative person who can think of ways to make a living and who has the resources to do so.

i also have a plan. it's called move to a beach in mexico and live in a shack plan. hey all options are viable at this time.

i am concerned about the health of a beloved grandmother, i am facing the realities of mortality in loved ones, worried slightly about members of my family without employment, and the stress added by the dreaded standardized tests.

a friend says that stress comes from wanting to control something that we can't possibly have control over.

well lets see. death...nope, no control there. unemployment of loved ones. nope. and Arizona Instruments to Measure Standards. Definitely no control.

So i asked myself this morning. how do i deal? how do i get up every day and be okay.

i go to spin class with my good friend dana. we look at each other, tired as all get out at 5:30 in the morning and we add load and sweat.

i play yahtzee and escoba with justino and learn how to play futbol.

i read great books from friends.

i laugh with my students and make funny faces.

i go to yoga and try new poses.

i sing phantom of the opera at the top of my lungs in the school hallways.

i ride my bike.

i look at the wall with icons, gifts from friends, african purses, necklaces, reminders of the camino, necklaces my kids made me. i smile.

i go dancing.

take late night walks with justino.

talk to my mom on the phone a lot...sometimes every few minutes...just to say one thing and then to hang up. only to remember something and call again.

call grandma to chat.

wear jewelry that reminds me of people i love and who love me.

i take pictures.

ignore the check engine light on my car.

go to my efm class.

eat cheap but good homemade mexican food from mi novio.

talk to my nieces and nephew on the phone.

make oatmeal dinner rolls.

eat popsicles.

lay on the couch and fall asleep in the sun.

so needless to say. this is my way of reminding myself that i am winning. that despite the difficulties of this time. stress does nothing but make me sick, freak me out, cause me to eat junk food, later regret it, eat more junk food for feeling regretful in the first place. it is a vicious cycle.

i am okay.
i have an abundance of gratefulness.
i have an abundance of love.
i have abundance. period.

i leave you with one of my favorite prayers from the compline service in the book of common prayer:

keep watch, dear lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love's sake. Amen.

read it with your eyes

and do not judge, he said as we stopped outside the Seri community in Punta Chueca, Mexico.

just read it, don't judge it.

such powerful words to hear before any such trip.

i recently took a four day trip to Mexico. a few posts back i talked about my expectations of the trip. recently i read a quote that i will paraphrase and in doing so will butcher but you will get the idea. it goes something like this... when you travel to another place for a week, you will come home and have a whole lot of solutions for what they (in the other country) are doing wrong and how to fix it. if you go for a month you will write about your experience through your own lens of perspective. but if you go for a year you will write nothing at all.

although i was in mexico for only four short days, it felt like i was there for a lot longer and on my arrival back home i thought to myself....

damn, i don't know. there are no answers.

so i have a few disclaimers for this post.

1. this is only one view of a very small part of a small experience in mexico. although i have been multiple times, it is always a different experience and it in no way reflects all of mexico or even close to all of anything.
2. it is from my point of view.
3. i can't write about all of it because it is either too personal and i can't put words to it or i feel like there are a parts of it i don't want to share because they are not my story.
4. i have no answers.

the purpose of the trip was to go to parts of Sonora, Mexico with a group of teachers from Phoenix and Tucson to experience culture and education in Mexico in order to understand our students, parents, and Mexican culture a little bit better.

the first few days were spent visiting classrooms at different kinds of schools. the last few days were really focused on getting a small glimpse of sonoran, mexican, and indigenous culture. although i am an educator and i learned a lot about education in mexico, the most powerful experiences for me were the last few days. we drove out to part of the Seri community and visited Altar, which is the major staging place for immigrants coming to the U.S.

i have taken many trips in my lifetime but none that left me as speechless. to be honest i feel a really deep pain, a profound longing for people to become aware, for people to understand each other. i feel a sadness that i feel has yet to manifest itself completely. i feel overwhelmed. i feel a crazy mixed up sort of grace and faith running through the lives of many people who are seemingly different and yet the same. i feel the complexities of it all. and i don't even live there or live in it.

as one person said on the way home, i can leave it all, while some people live in it everyday.

i do not write this with a sense of pity. there are so many beautiful things about mexico. those of you who know me well, know how intricately i am tied to it and love parts of it. but in the midst of the beauty there are some deeply disturbing, perplexing and dark things that are inextricably linked to all who live and work in mexico and the united states.

i know very little about the seri people and claim no such abundance of knowledge. they have lived in the sonaran area for over 2,000 years and have been largely nomadic hunters and gathers until the spanish arrived. they used to inhabit tiburon island, the largest island in mexico, until it was deemed a wildlife refuge. they can no longer live there but it is still part of their land. this is an odd thing to say about a people who lived off the land and with the land all over sonora, who probably never believed they owned the land to begin with. they own the fishing rights off of the coast there and have survived many years of conflicts with the spanish and later mexicans. they seem to be a resilient people. when we arrived the women rushed toward the van with their necklaces, bracelets, baskets, and ironwood carvings to sell. their baskets are incredible and woven tightly with beautiful designs. i bought several necklaces there. we went with someone who has a connection with the seri and were able to tour the town. they offer education via satellite there in a small building. this brings up many questions of what really is a viable and important education for the Seri children. it brings up questions about assimilation, conceptions, the difference in the definition of education. all of these are further ponderings for another post.

our trip to Altar was...

well. i really don't know what to write. i feel as if that is another post for another day.

to love is to be vulnerable

i go to a class almost every wednesday night called education for ministry, efm for short. i think it should be called education for life instead of ministry. it is a rather hard class to explain because any explanation minimizes what we actually do in class.

we sit around an octagonal table and listen to each other. we listen to our hopes, fears, laugh at each other, sing songs, sit in silence and recognize the divinity in each of us. it is one of the most life giving groups i have ever been a part of.

we talk about war, devastation, redemption, hope, love, jesus, economic crisis, marriage, divorce, relationships, gandhi, civil rights, our jobs, our callings, bob marley and just about anything else you can think of. it is challenging and thought provoking and calls me into my own divinity.

it makes me accountable to my own divinity.

yesterday we got into a discussion about what it really means to love and to be loved. in some of the reading we did there was the following quote from C.S. Lewis. i am amazed at the clarity and truth of this quote.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in a casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is hell."

stepping outside the certain stigmas and confines that words like damnation, love, heaven, and hell hold, i would say this statement rings true of what happens when we are paralyzed by the fear of being broken- being separated from that which brings wholeness.

brokenness bringing wholeness. now there is a thought.

the splendor of the grand canyon

my cousins from kansas came to visit and on monday we went to the grand canyon. friends i tell you that it doesn't matter how many times i go to the grand canyon, it never ceases to amaze me. i have maybe gone a good twenty or more times to the canyon and i always see something new or different.

this time we drove around the south rim and did all the regular stuff and then headed out the east rim. i had never been to desert view before but the watchtower was amazing and the east rim gives a view of the length of the canyon instead of it's width.

breathtaking.

the cloudy day was perfect for viewing the colors. they weren't too washed out. i love the reds, grays, oranges, browns, yellows, blues, and greens of the canyon. despite all that is going on in this crazy mixed up materialistic world, the canyon reminds me that change is inevitable, whether slow or fast. change happens. and i always have a choice as to whether i will embrace change or not. i am not philosophizing that all change is good, this, that, or the other. i am simply saying that so often i forget that even in the face of change i have a choice.

i have a choice to fear, to bring down, to conquer, to accept, to be vulnerable, to ignore. i have all these choices. and yet i think we so often just fall into the negativity that change can bring or the dread.

the canyon is a peaceful place for me. it is a place to stop, breath, and collect myself. to remind myself that i am a part of the family of things. that i too am change. on any given day, my colors change too. some days more red is revealed and other days more gray.

i had such a wonderful time getting to know my cousins in an even more intimate way. the canyon draws that out in people. i was able to connect with them on a level i am not sure i have before. we had fun, laughed, were exhausted, and were silent. i love sharing something that means so much to me with others. it is a revelation of a part of me that i am not sure everyone gets to see.

it was another blessed grand canyon experience.