grandpas

okay, okay. i finally joined the blogging world. i am not sure why it took me so long, seeing as i am pretty technologically with it. i think it has something to do with the very personal and vulnerable nature of writing. its a new year, a new day, and something made me jump off my couch and start one today.

now that i have begun writing again it is hard to pin down exactly what to write on my first post. but i have been thinking of the past a lot today. the happy past. a few months ago i took justino to a man's house a few blocks away to get his car fixed. when i pulled up, a small red haired girl bound down the steps from the porch and skipped around the drive way. "careful little red." spoke a gruff but obviously loving voice. she perched on the edge of a concrete slab while her grandfather slid underneath justino's car. i sat in the warm sun with her for awhile. we talked about shoe laces and cartoons.

for a moment, i left that drive way and traveled back to another drive way in kansas some twenty years ago. instead of a red haired child, a blond haired one roamed with one tool or another in her hand. perhaps it was a monkey wrench. my grandpa's gruff, yet loving voice shouted over the clamor to be careful. i brought myself back to the curious eyes of my new friend and smiled. "your grandpa loves you very much doesn't he?" "yep" she said as she hopped down from her seat.

i miss my grandpa. amazingly though, i still feel him with me during rough times or times when i have triumphed. i can feel him being proud which was not always something you could readily feel from my gramps. the run-in with this memory made me think about how much we learn in relationships. how much we open ourselves to what is true.

he used to stand at the window in his undershirt while my grandma and i waited for my school bus to pick me up. we made popcorn together, watched every john wayne movie, made trips to the local ice cream store, and i am pretty sure he taught me my first cuss words. i learned about nature, about taking care of what you've got, and to keep your elbows off the table. he could be a grouchy fellow and yet through it all, i always knew he loved me.

i think about my own dad now being a grandpa and of the infinite possibilities he has to have a wonderful relationship with his three grandkids. it makes me smile when i hear he especially took hailey to the store with him, or played legos with dalton. it is one of those cyclical resurrections.

there is something very special about grandpas.